wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
