She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
