remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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