Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
