So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
