so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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