OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
