before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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