How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
