i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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