I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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