Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
