Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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