end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
