Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I need to align my fucking chakras
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
