Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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