I will die if light touches me.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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