So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
