i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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