Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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