Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
