YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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