I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
