she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
