I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
