Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
