so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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