Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Randomize
