What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
