I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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