im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
