A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
