I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
