Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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