Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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