she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
there is glitter all over my balls
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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