I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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