Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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