im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
