i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
