That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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