he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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