just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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