yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
