Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
