Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
