yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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