You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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