Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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