Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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