I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
