Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
