No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Two words: blizzard sex
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
