i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
