Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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