I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
