True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
