so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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