he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
