So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
